Why You Should (Or Should Not) Be Playing Global Agenda

I have a love/hate relationship with this game. I love how it’s quite possibly the most balanced skill-based third-person MMO shooter on the market (and how that’s such a narrow genre that that accolade means that HiRez is like a pioneer that blazes his way into a wilderness with no conceivable economic value and then suddenly creates that value by virtue of his brawny fortitude and resourcefulness, but in spite of his rugged awesomeness no one really follows behind him because there’s no conceivable economic value in doing so) and I love how its leveling structure is built around the flat experience point gain from winning (or losing) PvP matches and how its PvE content isn’t sequestered behind a series of forced narrative sequences and flashy voice acting and I love how all of this is presented in a completely candid, colorful, and only moderately cluttered way. Also, it’s got cool guns.

AND YET I hate how its story is a desperately poor mimic of a poorly written Blade Runner/Neuromancer fanfiction and how its shooting mechanics range from feeling like swimming around in a pool made of electric jell-o in whiffle flippers to playing hopscotch on sandpaper while wearing Vibram Fivefingers on top of a laser-cut sandstone block and how weapon progression and variety peaks after level 24 and how so much of the game’s potential is stunted in the name of the aforementioned accolade-worthy balance and so to make up for this lack of obvious linear, simplistic, lowest-common-denominator progression there’s a huge and ultimately meaningless market centered around completely aesthetic elements like hairstyle, custom decals, vanity pets, and of course fancy dyes with which to color them all.

AND YET I love how this emphasis on aesthetics means that balance is valued and preserved in every aspect of the game, which prevents WoW-style power creep and keeps the game from being an obsessive-compulsive loot hunt which means that it’s just as easy to pick up and play as it is to spend a few hours hacking away at a particular build through a series PvE and PvP missions which are deliciously simple to queue into and how every role in the game is approached as more a matter of circumstance and not purely about numbers which makes for a dazzling, dynamic, and ultimately difficult game every time you end up in a PvP match.

BUT WHAT I HATE MOST OF ALL is how none of you, none of you, play this game as often as it deserves to be played, because without you, Global Agenda is an unfortunate waste. Without people playing it, Global Agenda will sit, unused, alone, and unappreciated, and sadly unbalanced. You are its greatest asset and its worst vice, its best feature and its biggest failing. Global Agenda is great.

It just needs you and 10 friends to play it.

  • http://twitter.com/HanFreakinSolo Patrick Lindsey

    Thank you, Tim. I will definitely play this game. I’m downloading it RIGHT NOW. So there. Take that.

    • http://mediocritycodex.blogspot.com/ Timothy Hsu

      good. find me. we will play. i will rush you through all the pve in like 2 seconds with my robo