Browsing all articles from June, 2014.

That Umbrella Guy Looks Awesome, but Is Final Fantasy XV Something New, or Just More of the Same?

That Umbrella Guy Looks Awesome, but Is Final Fantasy XV Something New, or Just More of the Same? 

At this year’s E3, Square Enix announced that what had previously been Final Fantasy Versus XIII was being transformed into the franchise’s next numbered installment: Final Fantasy XV. The trailer Tetsuya Nomura showed off to introduce the new game left many longtime fans of the series, including us, speechless. In what …

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Mass Confusion: Mass Effect 3′s Crippling Identity Crisis

Mass Confusion: Mass Effect 3′s Crippling Identity Crisis 

I’m going to talk about Mass Effect 3 for a while. Spoilers: I don’t like it very much. In order to explain why I don’t like it very much, I’ve got to talk a bit about RPGs in general, so I’m going to do that now.
What does RPG mean? Role …

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Finally: A Review Of Penny Arcade’s On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness 4

Finally: A Review Of Penny Arcade’s On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness 4 

The idea that the new Zeboyd Games title Penny Arcade’s On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness 4 correlates in any way to the “Penny Arcade universe” makes me want to vomit brown chunks. I can recognize that the site’s schtick speaks to a certain crowd, but it left a truly …

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Microsoft Didn’t Get The Memo For Its E3 Press Conference

Microsoft Didn’t Get The Memo For Its E3 Press Conference 

I can only imagine what things must be like at Microsoft HQ right now. Tears and shouts, the telltale signs of lamentation, echoing through the halls. A single employee, their polo shirt stained with sweat and grime, huddled in a ball and tucked into some forgotten corner office. Flatscreen TVs, …

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Not Capsized: A Paradise Perfect Boat Rescue Review

Not Capsized: A Paradise Perfect Boat Rescue Review 

When I get bored, and when people are visiting, I tend to bust out emulators. I don’t do it for the well-known games, the ones you can buy on Virtual Console. No, I emulate so I can play the tremendously bad games of yesteryear.
Now, someone might ask, “What the fuck …

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Peglegs And Puzzles: A Review Of Scurvy Scallywags

Peglegs And Puzzles: A Review Of Scurvy Scallywags 

The first thing I noticed about Scurvy Scallywags was the name Ron Gilbert. It’s a name with some serious cultural currency for anyone who grew up booting DOS off a floppy disk. The man behind games like Maniac Mansion and The Secret of Monkey Island, his nonsensical sense of humor …

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Mechanics And The Message In Kentucky Route Zero

You walk really god damn slow in Kentucky Route Zero. Conway, as close to a protagonist as you can get in that game, suffers a traumatic injury to his leg in the first act, reducing him to a limping mess. For the entire second act you find yourself shuffling around, …

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Dust 514 and The Lobby

Dust 514 and The Lobby 

I’m tired of this shit. I mean, up to this point I’ve been willing to play along and try to help people understand that yes, some gamers have female genitalia and self-identify with that gender, and yes, they just want to play. Usually it’s harmless – a kid yesterday asked …

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